In hopes of something - finding nothing

so here i sit, staring into space. thriving in my digital realm. feeling more and more awful for being happy. i am happy tho. i think. i knew. maybe i was wrong. why do i feel so bad about this. to see all the sadness around me, then to feel his arms around me... its two completely opposite feelings.

maybe i shouldn't feel anything. what if i closed myself off? would it be easier that way? its selfish tho. maybe i really should put myself first sometimes.

no. maybe not.